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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Discouragement and thinking about racing bikes after all...

Oliver doesn't seem to be getting a whole lot better - he's not holding his adjustments like we had hoped.

I had a lesson a couple of weeks ago and the whole time Christan was saying “don’t you FEEL that?” and I didn’t feel a thing. Made me feel like a real idiot – she didn’t, but the fact that I couldn’t and the fact that she was getting exasperated with the fact that I couldn’t feel anything made me feel less than stellar. I think it’s because I’m so used to any gait irregularities he has that I don’t notice anything unusual.

Argh. With all of this, I’m going through some serious motivational issues right now. Greg worked on him and said that after the 5th time or so, he has a good idea of how they’re going to be and if they’re going to make any more significant improvement. Well, this next time will be the 5th time (April 2). He’s not holding the adjustment and he keeps torqueing his hips to one side, which prevents him from truly swinging up underneath himself and pushing off evenly with both hind legs. What worries me more than anything is that I’ll get spun from the dressage because he’ll appear to be “off”. Greg said that it would really depend on the judge. This is very disheartening. It makes me not want to do a recognized show because I don’t want to get spun after dressage for a “lame” horse. Can you see where this is going? It makes me not want to show at all anymore. The real problem is that I absolutely adore Oliver, and don’t want to sell him and try again, this time with an extremely thorough vetting.

So I guess that leaves me with a very well-bred trail horse. Not even competitive trail horse, because he might get spun at the vetting. Just a plain old, ordinary backyard trail horse. I know I’m being pessimistic and overreacting right now, but this is sort of the way my mindset has been these past two weeks. And yes, it’s affected my desire to actually go out and ride. I’d rather ride my bike, which doesn’t go lame. It also doesn’t whinny at me and come trotting over for a head rub.

Christan was REALLY tough on me during my lesson. I mean tough, and even a little bit mean. She wanted me to jump a rolltop oxer out, roll back and then jump through the in and out, go out around the tree and roll back to a vertical plank, and then take a bending line to an oxer. I did a beautiful jump over the rolltop, panicked slightly about the “in” in the in and out (which is typical – I have this fear that if I don’t get in correctly, the out will ride badly), rode the “out” nicely, and then promptly forgot to roll back around the tree to the plank and just sort of cantered along aimlessly. She chewed me out for that one, saying that I had to start focusing more. I told her that I got rattled by the bad jump in, and told her why combination fences scare me, and she then pointed out to me that even though I had messed up the “in” every single time, I still managed to ride the one stride out without a hitch. I still don’t know why in and outs bother me. She also said that I had to really start to buckle down and get fitter by riding more and not just doing one or two circles and then taking a break – not fair, as I haven’t been doing that at all. I get out there and have started really pushing myself and Oliver longer and harder without a break, doing more concentrated work for a shorter period of time, but Christan doesn’t see that. However, she is probably reacting to the fact that I’m overweight and tend to turn red quickly, but I wish people would stop thinking that just because I’m overweight, I must sit around and not do anything athletic and that’s why I’m carrying a few extra pounds (well, maybe more than a few). Part of the reason I’m breathing harder these days is because of all the pollen flying around – I wake up short of breath and go around most of the day feeling a bit tight in the chest. I know that the pain in my left leg is partly due to lack of fitness on the horse, but there’s also something wrong with me physically that’s causing this pain, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Christan says I need to see Greg, but with Emma and Oliver both seeing Greg, I can’t afford to have him work on me, too.

Anyway, Christan did say that I’m riding better than ever before, and that is why she is being hard on me – because I’m capable, but I’m so, so discouraged about everything. I know I should stop making excuses for myself and just shut up and ride, and I do enjoy my rides, but I keep worrying about Oliver. C says I shouldn’t, because she said that if I gave her Oliver today, she’d take him Novice tomorrow and not think twice about it.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

No Denny's HT for me (or Longleaf, or...)

Greg is still working through issues on Oliver. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't opened that can of worms and just let Ollie be, because I wonder when (if?) we're going to see the end of this. Ollie had regressed a little bit in his PT, and was moving a tad stiffly behind like he was before. Greg came out and worked on him and was able to go REALLY deep and unlock stuff he wasn't able to do before, which is good news, but it also tells me just how much more there is to unlock. Greg said something to the effect of "he must have been in a heck of a wreck" when he was younger. Oi vey.

Anyway, I let Oliver be for a few days afterwards, anticipating a lot of soreness and stiffness ( I remember how I felt my first time after Greg working on me!) and when I took him out, he lost his left lead. I was worried, but then I rode him again and it was back, but not was pretty as before (the transition, that is). I guess we're still working through thing. Due to all of this, I didn't get my entry fee in to Denny's in time, so I have to sit this one out - right now, as a matter of fact, because the show is in progress as I'm typing. OH well. I have my entry in for MacNair's for next weekend, so it isn't so bad. I'm hoping that we can school xc at the end of the month at the Horse Park, which will mean that I need to put in my Friends of the Park fee for that. We're going Maiden for MacNair's, and then in April I will most likely go BN. I think we might be able to shoot for Lumber River, if I don't chicken out due to the incredible heat we always get around that timeframe.

We have a dressage arena at our new place - wheee!!! I'm so excited. I'm such a geek to get excited about a blooming dressage arena, but it helps so much because I always get marked down for missing the geometry at a show. Plus, it helps me with my canter transitions. A real dressage arena is always bigger than I expect it to be. There's more room in there for canter work than I had origninally thought. I had a jumping lesson with Christan, with Joe watching for the first time, and it went really really well. I was so happy. I'm finally figuring out how to keep my leg on Oliver, even with a shorter stirrup, and maintain that bouncy canter to the fence. Christan said I do a nice job with rebalancing him about 8 strides out, but then I lose it and end up missing out spot because of it. Apparently, I also like the long spot, which baffled me as I thought I liked to go deep better. I think it's a result of trying desperately NOT to pull on his face to hold for the spot, so I just sort of let things go. Christan told me to really sit and "maintain the canter with my seat and leg" before the jump, not my hands, and what do you know - it worked like a charm. Once I could concentrate on keeping the canter with a different part of my body, other than my hands, it worked very well. Oliver kept the rhythm the same to the jump, no more rushing, and we were able to hold for the deeper spot. Then, we cantered over a vertical, and a very bendy line to an oxer. I tended to let Ollie run out of steam before the oxer, so we ended up with sort of a flat jump, so I had to really leg, leg, leg it to the base of the oxer. The jumps were more BN size than we've jumped before, and Oliver was sort of bored with the whole thing. That's nice to know that the size of the jump really doesn't impress him. It also tells me that he's able to sit down a bit better in front of the jump, so we're definitely making progress.

Took him for a trail ride yesterday, just around the property (there is really no place for a real trail ride), and he was quite good. A bit lookier than usual, but he behaved himself very well and even picked up his leads out there, trotting around on the bit. The new barn is gorgeous, but I miss the trails of Weymouth Woods.